I did but see her passing by...

A new round of exhibitions called me back to London for a few days before I departed the UK. Monday morning saw me at the Velazquez at the National Gallery, Las Meninas couldn't make it, but many of the other hits were there, and the selection of works built up a great overview of his development and career. Then I went to 'Cezanne in Britain' - an exhibition drawn from collections in, that's right, Britain, of Cezanne's paintings. Excellent! More great still lives, the Bathers, and the Mont Saint Victoire that I had wanted to see when I was in Edinburgh and hadn't been able to. After that I had to go back to my hotel, and sort out what room I was in, because once again, due to my uncanny ability to be drawn to Crap Hotels of the World (aka You Get What You Pay For), that was an issue of some confusion.

I had a nap, which was excellent, thank you, and then back into the West End for some theatre - another Lastminute.com deal - here's a tip, don't go to the restaurant 'Tiger Tiger' unless bad service, capsicum and mayonnaise are the three requirements you have from a meal, if so, then you're in luck, as you'll receive them in abundance. Anyway, was off to see the '39 Steps' stage production. Hadn't actually seen the original film, which would have made it even better, but it was a great production, and the first time I've seen a chase sequence up, down and over a moving train, performed on stage. Very funny, and excellently staged.

Tuesday morning was the morning of the Slides!

Carston Holler, Slides, Tate Modern, London

Now, as some of you are undoubtedly aware, Tate Modern is in an old powerhouse on the bank of the Thames, and they have kept the old turbine hall as The Turbine Hall, a five-story atrium alongside the floors of the gallery in which large temporary installations are installed. Temporarily. The current one, you will have gathered, is Carston Holler's Slides. Which are slides! Actual slides! In the gallery! You get tickets (free!) and then you can slide! Slide! In the gallery! Actually slide! From the fifth floor to the ground! Slide! And then from the fourth floor! And the third! And the Second! And the First! And then the first again! From another angle! First time you've ever experienced grinning so goofily in a gallery. I really wish I could have been at the opening and press viewing to see the Cool People grinning goofily too, heavy-framed glasses askew and black polonecks awry. Berets long gone. No way that you can shoot out the end of a slide at a rate of some knots and look in any way aloof. My favourite was from the fourth floor, as it had a rather terrifying near-vertical drop at the start, so you really built up some speed, and then very tight corners, so you went whirring about before being flung out at the bottom completely disorientated. And giggling. Almost as much fun watching other people coming flying out of them, trying to look cool but the giggling getting the better of them. Also quite excellent is that the rest of the time you are at the gallery, walking along the viewing areas overlooking the Turbine Hall, lost in contemplation over whatever art you had been looking at, or your need for snacks, or a toilet, you would see someone out of the corner of your eye, whizzing down a shute.

I also saw a David Smith retrospective - sculptor of metal, v. good. But better was the Fischli and Weiss retrospecitve, the two have collaborated for decades, a lot of their work is very whimsical, photos, sculpture and some video. My favorite is 'The Way Things Go', an excellent video of a half an hour chain reaction they set up in a disused warehouse - like a giant science project of cause and effect, using reactions between petrol, fire, motion, soap, pendulums etc.

After that I headed off for some aimless wandering, and then was tempted, after a rather bad carbonara, to embrace the student discount offered by the comedy store, and see some stand up, and was rather disappointed - it was a kind of team effort, with comedians responding to members of the audience suggestions of current events for them to be funny about, so a bit like theatre sports, but not in a good way. But some laughs were had, so I shouldn't be too harsh.

So I wandered off to catch my bus, through Leicester Square down to Trafalgar, wondering why there were so many tuxedoed gentlemen, red carpet, and common people hanging over barriers, when I noticed an awful lot of Casino Royale posters and I thought, 'Ah, 'tis the premiere of Casino Royale, and these tuxedoed people have been to the premiere, and these common people are hoping to glimpse Daniel Craig', and I kept walking. Standing in Trafalgar Square, I pondered whether that day's bus strike was effecting the route that I was waiting for, when the police stopped the traffic, and I thought, 'oooh, drama!' 'police! like the bill!' and a black car went past, slightly fancier than a black cab, and inside was the Queen. And her Husband. And then I sms'd a selection of people, and missed seeing who was in the cars following her. The Queen went to the premiere of the latest Bond film. Odd. And then I pondered why she hadn't offered me a lift, as it wouldn't have been that far out of her way.

A very strange experience. She has so many teeth.

Wednesday-Thursday, I did stuff, wnet around more exhibitions in some of the commercial galleries, that sort of thing, saw a cool exhibition of photographs of the Beatles in Japan, went on a massive search for another bag, really should have thought about that earlier than the night before I left, and not when the only shops that I knew would be open were the department stores on Oxford Street. And I should have bought something rather more capacious. But everything was packed, and aeroplaned, and I discovered that the Magical Seat Back Entertainment Units are not as magical on British Airways as they are on Qantas.